A.A. As I Know It Has Died

What Is Left Is B.B.

What is B.B. ? I don’t know, but it’s not A.A.

Am I being too negative? Sorry.

I moved to the city where I live 14 years ago because AA here was so good. I needed to live here so I could learn all of the principles of AA. I have always lived as though AA is MY personal primary purpose and not worried about my life, and my life has always taken care of itself when I live this way…

The reason for this is that I have never been able to figure out what I would be good at doing and I have just left that all up to God. I have a super weird path and it develops on it’s own, but I have only been able to do low-paying jobs most of my life. It really sucks because I am overqualified but my weird path is just not something I can “make happen”. God decides if and when it will manifest. So I have just done “AA” instead.

Until now.

Now, I can’t do AA anymore because it is gone. It literally evaporated into thin air. I don’t have a group that does service together like I used to. I go to “groups” that don’t have a group conscience but have a big Daddy that takes care of all the service commitments himself, or groups that have a bank of personalities that have the last word, or groups that have one ultimate authority, a bleeding deacon…or groups that meet in clubs and who adopt the announcements and “rules” of the club… or groups that have “open” meetings that talk about drugs and everything else under the sun…this is not AA. And there is nothing else.

They read “the tradition of the month”.

I am celebrating 29 years tomorrow and there is no AA meeting that I can go to to celebrate. I am going to B.B. Oh Fucking Well. God will just hopefully keep me sober anyway.

Soon enough my boyfriend and I will move to a rural area where we will only get to go to meetings 1 time a week probably. I am being weaned off my dependence on AA so that I can live on my own and do that I guess. Also, I have to now care about my “career” and helping all others outside of AA because I don’t have enough people in AA to help.

Published by Anonymous Alcoholic

I have been sober following all the principles of AA as of 2/18/91. I am watching the deterioration of AA and I am determined to make available to others, how I have found to keep the principles alive.

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