Letting the Whirling Dervishes Whirl

Regarding this post: Now, my BFF called me this morning to tell me that “someone” told Mr. Guru that I have been calling people to talk about the banishment of Lance, so Mr. Guru told my BFF that he feels personally attacked by me (hearsay) and he does not want to do our prayer group that we have been doing for 3 years on Sunday afternoon anymore.

Mr. Guru does not have the a. balls to call me himself b. ability to practice Love and Tolerance or Live and Let Live or c. Principles before Personalities – and so now I honestly feel like I have to stay away from that place – I was even taking a spiritual class with Mr. Guru and now I can’t go to it anymore because I am not welcome. Actually, I think Mr. Guru just doesn’t want to do the prayer group anymore. Sad, because my BFF loves the prayer group more than AA. OFW. I told BFF that he and Mr. Guru and the other gal who attends the prayer group – no thought of her by Mr. Guru of course, could meet and I just won’t go – but that’s not an option. Mr. Guru is out – and if he is out – it’s over because it’s at his place. OMFG – what an ASSHOLE. How my BFF can overlook all this bullshit and still call this sonofabitch his sponsor- is unbelieveable to me. It is a huge red flag for me – but I don’t honestly care really. I am giving it a year and watching to see what happens.

This is the problem with being involved with alcoholics – they lie. Some recover and take recovery totally seriously and others do not. Or they stop taking it seriously once you’ve started with them. I take my recovery DEADLY seriously. I cannot afford one second of craziness in the world we live in right now. NOPE.

Originally I thought about going to talk to Mr. Guru – but then after talking to my sponsor and other friends – I realize that if I go talk to Mr. Guru I am taking the bait. I am picking up his steaming bag of shit, I am admitting guilt. I did nothing wrong. I talked to 2 people outside the meeting about the 3rd Tradition and the group conscience and about how this group is not a group but rather a meeting – for the purpose of awakening people – for the purpose of letting people know – and of course they were not interested and then after George gloatingly told us “We got rid of a wild one yesterday” I called George on the phone to get his side of the story and in the course of that, I gave him my take on it.

George is Mr. Guru’s landlord. It looks like George is the one who told Mr. Guru that I called him. My BFF asked me why I did not call Mr. Guru?

This is an ANONYMOUS fellowship, I told my BFF. It’s nobody’s business who I call and who I talk to and in addition, George opened the conversation so I was just calling him back to finish the conversation, George was there doing the banishing right alongside His Majesty – I have no need to speak to the King himself.

My BFF told me it’s his fault – he takes full responsibility because he should have never told me – because he thought I would keep it to myself he said, he did not realize I would go public with it.

That’s a stab from my BFF right there – I can’t be a part of these sort of places where everything is hidden – and the “rules” are unspoken, and Daddy takes the action and nobody talks about it – I have never done well in situations like this.

Then I got a call today from a Newcomer who I met there – and I told her – she won’t be seeing me at the meeting tonight. Too bad for me. But she will get scooped up in the Fellowship over there and she will probably get sober. And where will I go? I don’t know. Honestly I do not have any idea where I am going to go, but things are not looking that great for me and BFF either.

I always wondered if we would survive these differences … I told BFF this morning that no personality is going to make me give up my principles – my adherence to the AA Traditions is a life and death matter for me.

One of my sponsor dudes said that I have no voice in a place that is not my group. I don’t buy that. I am a member of the world wide AA fellowship and I have responsibility when I see an injustice to state what I see… but it is likely to me that BFF will eventually feel he has to choose his sponsor over me.

That night when he told me about Lance being banished he told me that he was going to try to find out what happened – but the whole experience was fraught with angst and tension between us. I just cannot control myself like that – I guess. I had prayed before… I am not really surprised – this thing has to end because it’s not AA and I have to get the hell away from it.

My BFF does not have the same extreme sense of Right and Wrong that I have. He can just not drink and go to meetings and look good enough on the outside and do what he wants on the inside. I can’t. I grew up in a privileged home where my parents took care of me long past adulthood – I have only got the years that I have been in AA to count for my life experience – whereas my BFF has been on his own since age 21, has been in the army, has been in the trades – all drunk – and has formed his own life – and his own moral code.

I adopted the moral code of AA and Natural Law as mine and I have to have them above all else. I have to adhere strictly to them to stay sober and sane. My sponsor told me to back away from this mess and let the whirling dervishes whirl. He said that I can go there but not often – and just don’t get too close to Mr. Guru. Yea that’s the plan.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s