Character Defect: Wanting People To Like Me

This is my number one worst defect of character. I am 28 years sober and this has still got me silenced. I am sharing it here today because I am putting it out there as the Number 1 reason why AA is in the dumper – I and all my other AA pals, are not willing to stand up for Principle because of this FEAR. It truly “feels like” life and death. Although that is likely an illusion. And I have written the fear inventory many times, and I guess that God has not yet removed it, but I have commenced to outgrow it, but have not yet outgrown it yet.

I would say this is the Shadow Work we have not been willing to do, and from which we have been distracting ourselves with the gazillion distractions provided by outer society, which we justify ourselves doing to avoid this extreme spiritual discomfort – but it means not only life and death for AA but life and death for our Society. Because we are not willing to stand up for principle in our daily lives, we are accepting and paying for things which violate our inalienable human rights and the rights of other Sentient Beings. We as alcoholics, are the worst of the worst. This is the deep work that we must do if AA, and we as human beings, are going to have to do if we are going to survive and not go extinct.

It will require inventory, prayer, and ACTION. Ultimately, we will have to make amends for our cowardice by standing up for principle one way or another, sacrificing our desire for comfort and or illusory desire for being accepted by our peers. But the rewards are amazing! The reliance on God alone is worth every angst-filled moment.

Here’s the Inventory:

If I stand up for Principle people won’t like me.
Why do I have this fear?
My friends will get mad at me for going against the flow.
I will be arrested and go to jail. I will be shot by the cops. I will be cast out of society.
I will sound angry because I am afraid of looking bad.
I am not eloquent and diplomatic when I am afraid of sounding bad or of stepping on toes.
My friends will abandon me and not want to hang out with me.
I will be alone.
I will have no friends
I will drink…
What have I done behind this fear?
I sit by in meetings of AA(not), fuming, huffing & puffing in my passive-aggressive way, rolling my eyes, and yet, I cannot form the words to state clearly my objections or simply carry the message.
I have stopped going to AA(not) Meetings. I have cut my attendance down to once a week.
I talk to other people angrily about the AA(not) Meetings.
I have attempted to join up with the AA(not) Meetings when I can’t beat them.
I have refused to learn more because knowing more will demand more action on my part. I have remained ignorant clinging to the notion that ignorance is bliss.
I have written fear inventory about this over and over.
I have prayed and stood up for Principle and come off sounding angry because I am in so much fear, and have pissed off those close to me and then I have backed off because I don’t want to lose those close to me, because I want them to like me.

I am not trusting and relying upon God.

God, please remove my fear and direct my attention to what You would have me be…
** Present and Prayerful and Willing.

And this is what seems to be going on in Society as well. We as a society would rather go into slavery than stand up and speak for Principle – our inalienable rights as sentient beings – our Constitutional Rights – because of the inability to speak up. Only God can restore me to sanity in this way…

I know that we are in a state of Involution (degeneration) as a world population and in AA and to stand up against Involution is much more difficult because the velocity of Involution has picked up speed over the last bunch of years. The majority of people just go with the flow either in Evolution or Involution, but I am not with the majority. I am awake, and yet, I still have not been able to stand up alone in the face of it.

God, Thy Will Not Mine Be Done.

As an aside, I made this Sigil, which says “I stand on my own 2 feet, with God” The Sigil is at the top of the page – the featured image. Feel free to use it if you want to. But, obviously, whatever is blocking you will come up to be dealt with.

And finally; although this may never get easier, it has to be done! We must stand up for Principle. The best way I have found is to PRAY PRAY PRAY and write it down and read it. But even if it does not get easier I still have to do it. God is my employer. He wants me to be happy, joyous and free, but I do have to do the work! God gave us everything we need in AA, to become embodied with His Spirit so that we could do His Work, and we just take what we like and leave the rest.

When you abandon freedom to achieve security, you lose both and deserve neither – Thomas Jefferson.

What is a Sigil?