I go to meetings at a place where one dude runs the whole thing. People think this is a “group”, and he calls it a “group”, and yet it is NOT a group. He’s the guru. He makes the coffee. He pays the rent. He has the key. He makes all the decisions, which includes kicking people out that he does not like. The group of people who go there love this. They don’t have any responsibilities ‘cept putting money in the basket. They worship him. He’s a guru.
I go there because it’s still open to the public – it meets that criteria – but I don’t feel very comfortable there – there is no “group” conscience. There’s “his” conscience and what a few people tell him they want done, behind the scenes – he does. He does not follow traditions unless they inflate his ego and he gets away with this somehow.
I just went to a meeting there tonite. I sat there and could not relate to anything that was said really, I guess because it’s not a group: it’s a “class” or it’s a “meeting”, but it is not a group – I have no voice there and neither do any of the guru-followers –
Tonight was particularly difficult for me. I am not sure why except that there was a very big personality there tonight – a loud and articulate woman who worships Mr. Guru, but she has not been around for a while – why? Because he does not encourage continued participation through AA – only through classes he puts on and, eventually people go away – and either find AA or get drunk, I guess.
She is a huge ego and she speaks well and loudly and she treats the men differently from the women, and I was not up for being singled out. I don’t do well when put on the spot like that. She really does not like me – for some reason. I originally was friendly to her but she made it clear that she was not going to be friendly to me. She is the type who will just cross-talk me if I was overt. She, of course, mentioned “Jesus!” and “religion” and so then another guy who is an “addict” (since of course this is an “open” meeting – whatever the fuck that is) talked about the “prodigal son”.
The thing about this woman is that she says loudly “Mr. Guru is my teacher”, over and over in the meeting. You never hear Mr. Guru say to her – “hey, where have you been?” Because he likes hot air being blown up his ass so much that he is not going to say anything that might jeopardize the continuous flow of warm wind… so he does not encourage his sponsees to get involved in service work – and certainly not at his place – and so they don’t know about AA service work and they, like I said, go away. They stay dry.
This brought up this point of view that God is really found in the Bible and God is really the Father of Jesus and we all know that, but we’ll pretend that everyone gets to choose their own Higher Power.
There were just so many outside issues brought in there tonight that I just felt like I was in some neighborhood religious spiritual group with some alcahoddicts… I put up with it.
I am not very articulate when it comes to speaking in a large group, unless I feel comfortable. I sat through the whole meeting waiting for it to be over. I really had nothing to say.
My partner doesn’t know anything different – there really is nothing else available except other kinds of gurus – and most are on zoom at this point.
What I realized is that I don’t need to feel comfortable. I have had my run of feeling a part of AA – and this sandbox AA with the Teacher is just not AA, to me. But it’s fine – it works for them – so good. I went. And God blesses me with sobriety and a clear head. And they all say “wow I love this group.” Good for you. Call it whatever you want to call it. AA is not here.
What is a group? – each individual member has a right and a responsibility and a voice in the group. The whole group puts on the meetings – all members are encouraged to participate in the running of the meetings – not just one personality and it is frowned upon to single out some guy in your share and say “Simon says X” because we have ONE ultimate authority: God.
I have a resentment about this, yes. I have written thousands of pages of inventory on this guy and I would not go back were it not that my partner loves this guy – but I vent and I 10th step about it all the time. This is just one more time I vented about it.
Anonymous Alcoholics 