Relapse, 2

A woman at a meeting tonight said that she had 2 days back. She had 10 years, relapsed, had 4 and 1/2 years, relapsed for 2 days and now she has 2 days. I went over to talk to her after the meeting.

I said that my experience with this is that there is something in her First step is out. Something is missing in her 1st step that makes her stop doing 10-11-12 which leads to her becoming resentful, not going to meetings, and eventually relapsing.

She argued with me! She said she had spiritual experiences each time she went through the steps – ok, but you DRANK AGAIN! Something is out in your 1st step that you would not continue going to any length and not keep doing 10-11-12.

Yes, God, she said.

Well, I can’t get anywhere with that – either she is NOT alcoholic, or she has NOT completely given herself to this simple program – OR 2 days was not enough of a relapse for her to get humble.

How is it that the rest of us who stay sober, stay sober? Ever since I had a true 1st step with my sponsor in 1999 when I got it that I will drink again and die frozen to death or some horrible thing if I don’t have God because I have the strange mental blank spot – I have never missed a commitment for weather or inconvenience – because I know – in my Spirit – that I am a hopeless drunk – and that knowing does not go away. No matter what happens – I am a hopeless drunk and always will be. And I have not forgotten that.