Dishonesty

Last night, I asked my partner what he thought about us shutting down our group. He said he thought it was a good idea. When I think of the hours I worried and mulled over how to talk to him about this – and when I simply asked him, he said it was a good idea. Meanwhile, if I had brought it up at the group – if I had been able to call in the gumption to even bring it up at all with him and Mr. Guru instead of sinking into group-think – and instead, this time, Intuitive Thought, God, told me to talk to them separately – and I hated to talk to Mr. Guru first… but the amount of angst I went through over this –

Just to find out that they have been lying to me this whole time. As above, so below. Is an ancient spiritual LAW. It’s a fractional Universe – if you are dishonest in one area, you are dishonest. I had no idea, except of course that Mr. Guru does not follow the Traditions. Is he even alcoholic? And so his students, also just learn to sharpen their stage character. Worse yet, they don’t even know they are lying.

Oh well. I am an alcoholic, with an alcoholic – I don’t have to trust him – I just have to trust God.

p. 73 More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.