Lately, I have been having a conversation with a woman who just started going to Alanon. I met this woman through an outside interest. She had something I wanted, so I thought, and we have been talking on social media, Signal – where we leave each other messages – she is in Italy, from Scotland, and her mom and dad were both alcoholics. She was dating an alcoholic when I started talking to her. We go pretty indepth with each other, and through the course of our conversations, I 12-stepped her into Alanon. I can’t believe that I did that – I have never been able to convince an Alanon that they had a problem in all the years that I have been working with alcoholics and their families. But, she started to go to zoom meetings in Scotland, from Italy, and she really likes it – and of course, she has now quickly gotten rid of her alkie boyfriend – which was inevitable since they had broken up and gotten back together over 20 times, she said.
Well, our other interests, require a lot of courage. I am feeling the difference between her and I. She has more power than I have. She has less fear. She believes she “co-creates” with God, whereas I see it that I try to do God’s will. She, of course, does not understand powerlessness – except of course, that she was unable to stay broken up with her alcoholic BFF…maybe she now can with her Alanon group – but she’s already checkin out some other dude she met at the “bar” which is also a coffee shop in Italy.
Anyway, it’s all about outside issues that I cannot go into about detail here – but I feel my limitations as an alcoholic. She’s trying to give me a “lesson” in “just go do X” and I know that I can’t – because I have too much fear. That’s it. I admit it. I have too much fear.
God helps fools and drunks. I am up against the wall. I can’t do things unless God gives me the power to do them and those things will have to be left up to the people who can do them – that’s all.
My solution, is to throw myself the harder into helping others and wait on the will of heaven.
Anonymous Alcoholics 