Disclaimer: This blog is for me to keep sane and to keep track and to reflect back on what is going on. If you get something out of it great, if not oh well. The names have been changed for the sake of Anonymity.
Yesterday was the 2nd meeting of Anonymous Alcoholics Presents A Literature, Principles, Study, & Application Group: Book 1: AA Comes of Age
Let me start off by saying that my husband had the energy company install a smart meter this week. I had tried to opt-out of this because the higher radiation makes me feel woozy – but our circumstances are such that we have to have the thing – and we do have aluminum siding on our house and I put aluminum foil on the wall where the meter is, but I have still been feeling some “vertigo” like symptoms. This makes it even harder for me to focus, concentrate and not get distracted.
Yes, I take Colloidal Gold, which I make myself, by the way – and that has been helping a lot with the brain fog. I just decided to double the dose and see if that combats the smart meter bullshit. Oh well – this world is going to hell in a handbasket because “good men keep quiet.”
I did my initial 30 or 40 pages preparation for this group and I have not glanced back at it since – this is typical of me. I am a great “starter”.
So I had not even reviewed my notes this week, and I was late – I did not leave early enough to get there 15 min early as I had planned. So I was stressed and I can review my conduct and see that I had little hope for this group after last week.
One good thing is that I did do an hour of Qi Gong! So I was grounded and my energy was good and I was connected mentally, spiritually and physically as much as I could be.
God got me there 5 minutes early and I was able to “pull it off” – but I really do need to leave an hour early if I am going to get there – remember in the old days – we got places hourS early – there was the meeting before the meeting and the meeting after the meeting – and that’s what I must demonstrate… but I am just like everybody else – distracted, overwhelmed, and addicted to the internet.
I called my sponsee on the way – to ask her to help out by getting there early if she could – and she was in bed. What??? We were supposed to meet for 3 hours afterward to help her with her 4th step – yes the one she started about a year ago – she is still on the resentment part of this inventory. OMFG. 25 years of – SO-DRY-ETY wow – how do you get away with that? I dunno. AA has become “what can I get away with”.
Oh – so we are not meeting? Thanks for letting me know. I called my sponsor – Chad – I needed a pep talk after that – I felt glum. My sponsor, former trustee – he’s glum – but at least he is working on agenda item with his Region to remove the fucking Code of Conduct. He feels better now that he is doing something productive at age 92 – 58 years or something now. But here it is for you to read – I just got a copy. (I will write an analysis of the Code of Conduct, soon)
Well I am sitting there with Gavin – who can’t stay because he has tree-trimmers at his house who said they would be there at 8 and didn’t get there till 11 – he has to leave and go back home and Bob shows up.
Bob – this is Bob- Bob is the one who fronted his 37 years last year. He was late, no book, so I figured maybe he was just there to drop off something or other he seemed to have in a bag for Gavin – but as it turns out he is staying for the meeting. Bob, mind you is well-respected – he is a good talker. But when I have listened carefully to Bob talk, I don’t know if he is an alcoholic at all – he NEVER talks about his drinking specifically. He does say that in college he got drunk a lot, but he never ever alludes to the physical allergy and specific instances nor does he ever mention the strange-mental-twist nor does he ever talk about his consequences. I saw Bob speak about 5 months ago and he simply regurgitated the Big Book to us all. I am sure you all know people like this. Bob is a good salesman. My husband told me later that he is ex- career military so he knows how to talk himself out of anything.
As Bob, bookless, came to sit down, I thought “OH NO!!!! It’s me and Bob for an hour????” Mind you – I know my shit but I am usually intimidated by these characters – because they have the ability to honeyfuggle a whole room full of people and mesmerize them with their web of words that is all bullshit – and I don’t have that ability – at all.
SO I STARED PRAYING. Bob immediately tried to throw me off track from my plan – and he did a little bit – We did not say the responsibility statement, we did not introduce ourselves – I blew by all that out of intimidation by Bob’s smooth talking. We did say the Serenity Prayer. We also alternately read a paragraph which I was not planning to do. I hate that. Bob’s intimidation techniques were working.
SILENTLY I BEGGED JESUS CHRIST TO STAND BETWEEN ME AND BOB RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
I kept seeing, in my mine’s eye, Jesus throwing the bankers out of the temple – I mean that IS what it Is right? This guy is selling me a bill of goods – the Brooklyn Bridge – in my temple – AA. And I am embodying the principles – I am praying my ass off. I am enacting the Principle of Mental Gender – which is an old Hermetic Term from the Kybalion – In which the “I” is masculine and the “Me” is feminine and the “I” is connected to God and the “Me” is connected to the world – my feelings, my little plans and designs… And that’s what is required these days – to put on my big-girl-pants and be the “I” not the “me” – be the Force to be Reckoned with that God made me to be when I took the Third Step.
I think Bob is possessed by an entity that does this for him – he may not be alcoholic at all – he may be a Narcissist of some kind, not unlike his old pal Guru Gerry – and they just “good ol’ boys clubbed” it here in AA for the last 30 something years, patting each other on the back and giving each other a little sugar so they could move around the planet selfishly taking what they wanted a little longer…
You know – Guru Gerry – was all about this kind of BULLSHIT. He honeyfuggled my husband -but mainly I think that’s because Kent is a workaholic and Guru Gerry wanted money so he used Kent’s workaholism to make a living and support the “gathering” of alcoholics and misfits here at The Great Reality (which it isn’t) and Kent went along with it because he wanted a high-profile sponsor so no one could question him about what he was doing or not doing in AA.and he wasn’t ready to take on his workaholism. These narcissistic personalities in AA taking advantage of the powerless newcomer – go ahead- you have to explain that one to God when you drop the meat-suit.
Normally in the past, I would not have candidly admitted this to myself but now that things have deteriorated so much – I have to tell myself the Truth about it. We are all full of shit – myself included! Oh yea – look at me – I still can’t make a living – I have hooked up with work-aholic boy who is supporting me – and I have recovered A LOT from the ACOA bullshit but not completely – not enough to “fit in” in this society – oh well. Maybe the deterioration is inevitable. I don’t know.
I mean – we are all “cracked pots” but for fuck’s sake – maybe we need a few not cracked not self-centered pots to keep this thing going?
I went back to the Forward to where it says “Adult responsibilities must be faced” and I asked Bob – what do you think this is about? And Bob started on his intimidation routine:
Oh back in the old days – before treatment yadda yadda we would go to the hospital and talk to the new man but now HIPPA prevents us from doing that…
That is a good point – I need to research that – is HIPPA preventing us from going into the hospital and talking to newcomers there? I took a note.
And we went on – reading –
P. 1 What are the full responsibilities of keeping the 3 Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service?
Bob said – “our delegates are doing a fine job.”
I(God) said “Really? But what about the Code of Conduct that has been allowed to replace the Traditions? What about the legal team in the Board Meetings? What about violating our Bi-Laws? What about the dumbed down Big Book that is coming out in November? I have a hunch that when the 12 x 12 came out in the 50s it created a huge schism in AA just as this Big Book for Dummies is going to probably do.”
Bob didn’t have anything to say for a second. We continued reading…
p.2 “From the time AA went on it’s own, to serve God’s purpose for so long as it was destined, under his Providence, so endure” I AM PRAYING MY ASS OFF –
I (God) said “As I see it, there are 2 schools of thought in AA, Bob – one school thinks “God’s going to take care of it” and the other school is “God gave US principles and we are supposed to embody those principles to take care of it”. Which school are you Bob?”
Bob did not answer this question. He just squirmed and told me that both apply. He told me about going to Assemblies and watching people argue a spiritual point into minutia and then the next day the 2 same people would be arguing the same point but they would have switched sides.
PRAYING – JESUS CHRIST PLEASE STAND BETWEEN ME AND BOB
I (God) said – “but at least they were paying attention! That tells me – Attention is a currency and I have to PAY IT – Maybe God solves our problems for us if we simply work together, using spiritual principles and just put our minds to the task – but what happens when we quit doing that and just walk away from AA? We are supposed to leave AA with an enhanced spiritual content for generations to come – not suck out the marrow and leave a pile of bones…”
Whew.
p.2 – “And then they saw AA’s affairs delivered entirely into their own hands, they experienced a new realization of each individuals responsibility for the whole.”
I (God) said “So what do you think this means Bob?” –
Bob said – AA is well-entrenched and we don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
I (G) said, “Really? Are you kidding me? AA is almost completely on-line in Europe. Alanon is mostly online here in the US – even here in our town – and so many service meetings we used to drive to are online – what if we had a hurricane like in the Southeast this week – how would people find each other? The whole thing would go up in smoke – and what about the Big Book for Dummies? Most people are coming out of treatment with the idea that alcoholism and addiction are the same thing!
Most people are taking from AA and only putting a dollar in the basket! Remember – back in the day when John D. Rockefeller loaned AA $5000 to finish the book – that would be about $40,000 now – so how come we are not putting $10 in the basket? Then at least, we would have skin in the game right?”
I told him what Gavin had told me about how this place is barely staying open – and Bob told me that “people” in the fellowship with “great resources” are making sure the lights stay on here.
I’m thinking – oh that would be YOU, Bob – and your cronies. See this whole fucking thing is a scam. Bob and his cronies with “resources” are funding the fake-AA-shelter – so that we, the fellowship, who are supposed to be fully self-supporting through OUR own voluntary contribution – will just eat the candy – and keep quiet about that they really are not alcoholic – just a bunch of secondary psychopaths who may have liked wine and women too much – or if they are – they have such tiny weeners that they don’t understand what it means to be alcoholic and they are too afraid to find out now – 38 years later – so instead they just have to cover up their teency dicks with a lot of big words and a pile of money – this is the perfect time for them – they are asleep at the wheel – driving AA over the cliff and loving every minute of it. I get it.
P.3 “hastening the acceptance of the little-known AA by physicans all over the globe.”
This was the last thing we talked about – physicians –
GOD!!! HELP ME!!!!
So Bob, are Physicians today getting any alcohol education?
See Bob is all pro-narrative – Bob is all pro-I-don’t-have-to-do-anything – Bob kept saying that he goes to meetings all over town – and if he doesn’t like one – he can just leave – Non-commital – Bob just goes all over town (maybe) and blows his sweet and sticky wad in meetings and let the minion lick it up. I know – it’s a gross analogy – but it’s pretty close to the Truth of what he is doing – he might be alcoholic after all but he does have those psychopathic tendencies.
We have a lot of secondary psychopaths in AA – not the extreme ones but the ones that are the most dangerous – we have the walking wounded like me – and then we have a lot of Bob’s and Guru Gerrys, for whom the Traditions would root them out in a second – but we don’t use the Traditions cuz it’s “too hard.” for the walking wounded ones – so they (we) are just prey to the psychopaths. And this all plays into the larger Agenda because AA will be gone in a few more years – if it isn’t gone already – well I am still alive – so until I am dead AA will continue to live as long as I stay sober…
So we talked about Physicians today. We talked about how, in 2007,we in our town had a cooperation with the professional community panel set up with the local medical school and we invited students to attend our open meetings so they could learn about alcoholism because they don’t learn anything about it in school. WHY????
Bob has a great pat answer about why – my answer has to do with the 1996 ruling when the Social Security Administration ruling that alcoholism is no longer a disability – and the beginning of the drug culture in AA, the diagnosis culture of bi-polar – and NOW the new diagnosis of alcohol use disorder yadda yadda -and all the drugs for it.
Which all boils down to MONEY and EUGENICS which is the agenda of these DOL – Dark Occult Luciferians running things on planet earth – and running AA because they are the Rockefeller’s – yes boys and girls – we have Satanists on the board, we are housed in a Satanic building – and we are trying to sell Natural Law and the Satanists are trying to bury the Natural Law message – that’s the bottom line, because they don’t want it out there in the public eye that there is a way to be FREE from ALL TYRANNY – because they want to bring in the New World Order.
… all this and we closed at 1:05pm with the Lord’s Prayer and Bob telling me he’d be back and would tell all his friends.
Yea right, whatever Bob. We’ll see. I would love if that was true but I doubt Bob wants to have to work hard in a meeting of AA. I will say that at the end of the meeting, Bob did seem to have shed a few layers of bullshit and was a little more real. But I am not falling for a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing such as Bob. I would have to watch him WALK it for a while before I believed that he had RECOVERED from whatever-the-fuck he has.
It is amazing how the books, God, and the Principles are a form exorcism when delivered by someone who can read and is properly armed with the facts, who has fully comprehended the principles and is of the 2nd school- moi.
I am going to have to show up prepared to do battle with Satan on Thursdays at noon.
Anonymous Alcoholics 